I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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