My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
