wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
