College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
