3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
