If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
