There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
