Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
