it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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