You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
420 ftw
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
