Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The air was thick with penises
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
