Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
