WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
