She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
