it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
