Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
