right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
