Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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