Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
