When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
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Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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