Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
