Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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