My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
