Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize