we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
