no, he came in my armpit
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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