Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
