I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Randomize