ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
