I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
