Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
