Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
