I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
