I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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