Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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