The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
