Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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