Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
