this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize
