After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
