Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
