uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
