NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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