the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
