I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
