So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
