this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
ugly people sure do ruin things
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
