hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
A bitchslap is in order.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
