It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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