The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
