fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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