He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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