I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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