all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
