I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
