She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
