yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
