I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
