I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
