Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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