Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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