You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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