why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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