This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
