this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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