he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
