then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
