I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize