I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
