Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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