Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
